LOVE FLOWING THROUGH by Natalie Kinsey

Every night, just as Francesca switches off her lamp, she hollers goodnight! up and down the stairs where I sleep on the floor below her and her 13 year old sister sleeps on the floor above her. Then she pauses, I love you both! I always return the sentiment. Her sister never does. This year, only Franscesca wanted to go trick or treating. As she went from house to house, she selected those pieces that she'd give to her sister, Oh, Sissy loves dark chocolate. Sissy's going to love this. I'd been waiting for one of two things to happen, either Persephone to start reciprocating her sister's loving gestures or for Francesca to stop doing them. Neither happened.

Then I remembered one of Abraham's quotes that we love people because it feels so good to love them, to have that feeling of love flowing through us. They give us an opportunity to feel awesome, to have all our gates wide open as we stand appreciating them, savoring them. Francesca knows this. I ask her on Halloween night if she thought it was fair to give her sister candy when her sister had opted to stay home on the computer rather than going out and working for her loot, or something like that. She blinked at me, not even really hearing the question with all it's hobbled underlying beliefs. Mom, I love loving Sissy.

End of story. I love loving sissy. I love the feeling of love flowing through me towards another. I love doing things for her and admiring her and believing in her. Francesca loving her sister so openly without even being able to conceive of reciprocation keeps her own vibration tuned to true. I think of how stingy I've been in my life with my I love you's doling them out sparingly, terrified of what would happen if I gave them too freely. Would he/she think I was going to do something for them, commit to be there, in other words, what freedom was I giving up by telling someone I loved them? What power would they have over me?

I compare my own choked ability to express the love I so often feel for people with my daughters and I'm glad she hasn't learned much from me and certainly not how to love. As usual she gets that it's not about the others, it's about her. And loving the world makes her feel right, authentic. It's the most natural gesture in her world.